And, now, time for something completely different... From cucumber.

My Meticulous Dissection Is At Hand

First things first, because this is kind of sort of on my mind . . . I was up late Saturday night into Sunday morning, and it was nearing six-thirty or seven o'clock, prime time for perusing the television stations for either Christian fundamentalism, an infomercial for some new work-out machine, and, best of all, obscure or children's programming. This was after I had watched some animated movie adaption of Tom Sawyer which featured anthropomorphic characters, so I was, obviously, not being finicky about what I was killing the nighttime hours with viewing.
This is when I came across something... Strange. Something... Mysterious. Something... Not unlike anything else I had seen before, but extraordinary in its own ways. I had never heard of this show before, never seen it, never seen commercials – Mind you, this wouldn't be odd, except for the fact that it was drawn in an obvious anime style. I'm no expert on cartoons of the modern age, but I do keep up with all the latest anime on TV. But, this was... Intriguing, entrancing, somehow. The budget for this show must have been less than the change on my dresser, because the animation was almost South Park quality. I mean, you could tell this was cheap, nobody ever moved or talked at the same time, like a turn-based strategy game.
Metabots.
That was what this was called... I really don't know what to make of this. It is either one of two things: the worst Pokémon spin-off ever to be born, or the greatest achievement in parody comedy since Abenobashi Magical Shopping District. I... I don't know, I'm befuddled, absolutely confounded. I'm not sure if this show takes itself seriously or not, I mean... I laughed. I laughed a lot. At the animation, at the dialogue, at the "battles" and the... Ninja robot things, the namesakes of the show, I imagine. I don't know how to feel about a panty shot where the panties are steel welded to the ass of a ninja-robot. Yes, this show had a blatant panty shot. For a robot. A girl robot. In a steel skirt, with what I assume are some metal alloy undergarments. Sweet God, I pray they don't dress their robots in armour and then cotton undies. Silk, I could understand. Even cold, numb metal robots can enjoy the sensation of silk against their... Metallic flesh... Which can't feel...
If this is a serious attempt at a show, it's horrible. Horrendous. Shit. Utter and trite shit.
If this is a joke, some two-dollar production put out by a studio as a statement of the degradation of modern American cartoons into anime-rip-offs with either Pokémon, robots, or some combination therein, then... Genius. Pure and unadulterated genius.
I mean, after sitting through such garbage as Transformers: Armada, I really think it's time they set the drink limit to two glasses down at the production studios and said, "Hey, you know what? Giant, powerful, weapon-wielding, ass-kicking robots are frickin' awesome, and they don't need pocket robots to kick more ass. And, oh yeah, kill off those children."
I'm probably way too easily amused by this whole Metabots things, but I mean, it's like they threw Pokémon in a blender, a really gimpy blender, with Samurai Pizza Cats. I mean, I understand that every second I act like this show blew my mind the opinion of the readers of this Blog drops a little bit, and I really wish I had an excuse. I said I saw this at six in the morning, which may imply I was sleep-deprived, but, no, that is not the case, I woke up at five in the afternoon on Saturday, so I had been awake for barely over half a day. I have nothing, I wasn't drunk or stoned, nothing. This show's just raw... Ambiguity... Destroyed my reality.
I want to know, I need to know. Is Metabots serious? I mean, Nin-Ninja? No, that can't be for real. I can't even rate this, because I'm not sure if it's the funniest thing to be animated in the history of children's programming orientated towards casual fans of anime, or the worst attempt at marketing toys to the youth since the Jurassic Park dinosaur figures that had the feature of removing a chunk of its body to simulate its consumption. The logical part of my brain tells me that the dialogue was stupid and inane, the animation is surpassed by G.I. Joe, the plot is nil... Everything about it is substandard. But, the part of my brain that appreciates FLCL says, "This is hilarity in the most uncondensed form available!"
I don't know. Help me, I think I've lost my ability to discern between comedy and realism. Throw me a lifesaver, Dicaprio, and stop pretending you're the King of the World.
I was intending to review other things, like Martin & Lewis, that Tom Sawyer flick, Big Trouble, and Men in Black II, but I'll save that for a time when I don't have my mind on ninja robots. That may be awhile down the road...

Adios.

EOF