I did actually write a few things on hiatus from Blogger, and this is one of them. Enjoy my malicious tearing dow... Er, excuse me, "review." Or don't enjoy it, whatever. Hey, I like reading my own writing, so everyone else should. I, also, like the sound of my own voice, is that relatively surprising?
(08/07/2002, 22:30 PM)
Okay, I figured I'd type up this review whilst the movie is ripe and fresh within the grey matter which is my brain tissue. The Bourne Identity, an action/thriller flick starring Matt Damon as a man who was pulled out of the ocean suffering from amnesia with two bullets in his back and microfilm implanted in his leg. From right off the bat with the fishing boat crew, get used to subtitles because this one has all kinds of languages, from French to German to Swahili–Kind of like in the fashion of an international spy-type thing but without the actual spies and, instead, with secret government organisations. Jason Bourne, or is it John Michael Kane or is it Cher or is it Elton John or is it Will the Janitor or is the Archangel of Death, spends the entire movie trying to uncover his identity, and in the process picks up a girl Friday to drive him around in this little British dinky excuse for a car. Amazingly so, between me wondering when the hand is going to come from the sky and push the car along then place it with its other Matchbox companions and me thinking that the woman looked better with long hair, there's this very intense albeit not very fast car chase scene which was the main draw for my friend wanting to see the movie. I'd say it was a very adequate chase scene, complete with motorcycle wrecks and the tried-and-true driving-through-a-pane-of-glass routine, not as bad as the ones from Mission Impossible 2: I Can't Believe How Impossibly Crappy This Movie Was, which I know I've reamed before and I'm reamin' it again, baby, because I like to. Anyway, let me just state it right here the same thing I thought about Matt Damon in Dogma as I did in this movie: this man can not scare me no matter what. This guy could be hovering over my face with a Colt .45 cocked and ready to blow my face off, but I'd still not be intimidated. He's like a kitten, you know he's angry because his ears are back and he's clawing and biting at you, but you still keep poking him because, well, damn it, he's so frickin' cute. You just smile and giggle and say, "Yes, you just keep right on biting me with your undeveloped teeth and clawing me with your tiny little claws about as sharp as a used toothpick, but I don't care, no, I don't care, who's my little snuggle-wuggle bunny, yes, yes, who's my little-wittle-snuggle-huggle-buggle...," and it's at this point that your words degenerate into a mass of burbling and gibberish reserved only for those speaking with the inanely cute So, yes, Matt Damon, and I say this as a very heterosexual man secure in his masculinity and not afraid to admit it, is too damn cute for a mean role. Also, along the way, I kept expecting him to stop at a chalkboard with a very complicated Calculus equation scrawled on it and solve it, then keep running on and proceed with the impressive capping of the bad guys. But, I really liked Good Will Hunting, but, then again, who didn't?
As for the movie itself, it's just like I told my friend, for what it was, it was very good and the execution was virtually seamless. I'd have to say it was a bit drawn out in parts, but I wasn't yawning like I was watching Citizen Kane on a sugar-low. The plot was a bit of a predictable one, but you can't expect there to be much originality left in the genre of guy-with-no-memory-strives-to-recover-his-past-and-falls-in-love-with-a-woman-who-helps-him-do-it, if that really is a genre is moot. He tells me that this is the first movie in a trilogy of The Bourne Suchandsuch's that are planned, which is a bit baffling to me. Just like with Minority Report, I didn't feel like there was much room for a sequel, it pretty much succinctly wrapped it all up as much as one would expect from a one-shot movie. Granted, the ending wasn't this great climatic scene of heartbreak, drama, and death, but it was a pretty sufficient ending to the entire ordeal, in my opinion. This makes me slightly curious as to what will be done in the next movies, what plot device will they enlist to keep the movie going for two more installments? The Bourne Identity was a good spy movie, but, you know, without any real spy, which included a fair amount of action, intrigue, and romance, but not too much to choke a camel or anything. I'd say, all in all, I'd register this movie with a Failure Rating of about 28%, an average but not outstanding endeavour to the theatres that I don't see getting nominated for any awards.
(08/07/2002, 22:30 PM)
The Bourne Kitten
Okay, I figured I'd type up this review whilst the movie is ripe and fresh within the grey matter which is my brain tissue. The Bourne Identity, an action/thriller flick starring Matt Damon as a man who was pulled out of the ocean suffering from amnesia with two bullets in his back and microfilm implanted in his leg. From right off the bat with the fishing boat crew, get used to subtitles because this one has all kinds of languages, from French to German to Swahili–Kind of like in the fashion of an international spy-type thing but without the actual spies and, instead, with secret government organisations. Jason Bourne, or is it John Michael Kane or is it Cher or is it Elton John or is it Will the Janitor or is the Archangel of Death, spends the entire movie trying to uncover his identity, and in the process picks up a girl Friday to drive him around in this little British dinky excuse for a car. Amazingly so, between me wondering when the hand is going to come from the sky and push the car along then place it with its other Matchbox companions and me thinking that the woman looked better with long hair, there's this very intense albeit not very fast car chase scene which was the main draw for my friend wanting to see the movie. I'd say it was a very adequate chase scene, complete with motorcycle wrecks and the tried-and-true driving-through-a-pane-of-glass routine, not as bad as the ones from Mission Impossible 2: I Can't Believe How Impossibly Crappy This Movie Was, which I know I've reamed before and I'm reamin' it again, baby, because I like to. Anyway, let me just state it right here the same thing I thought about Matt Damon in Dogma as I did in this movie: this man can not scare me no matter what. This guy could be hovering over my face with a Colt .45 cocked and ready to blow my face off, but I'd still not be intimidated. He's like a kitten, you know he's angry because his ears are back and he's clawing and biting at you, but you still keep poking him because, well, damn it, he's so frickin' cute. You just smile and giggle and say, "Yes, you just keep right on biting me with your undeveloped teeth and clawing me with your tiny little claws about as sharp as a used toothpick, but I don't care, no, I don't care, who's my little snuggle-wuggle bunny, yes, yes, who's my little-wittle-snuggle-huggle-buggle...," and it's at this point that your words degenerate into a mass of burbling and gibberish reserved only for those speaking with the inanely cute So, yes, Matt Damon, and I say this as a very heterosexual man secure in his masculinity and not afraid to admit it, is too damn cute for a mean role. Also, along the way, I kept expecting him to stop at a chalkboard with a very complicated Calculus equation scrawled on it and solve it, then keep running on and proceed with the impressive capping of the bad guys. But, I really liked Good Will Hunting, but, then again, who didn't?
As for the movie itself, it's just like I told my friend, for what it was, it was very good and the execution was virtually seamless. I'd have to say it was a bit drawn out in parts, but I wasn't yawning like I was watching Citizen Kane on a sugar-low. The plot was a bit of a predictable one, but you can't expect there to be much originality left in the genre of guy-with-no-memory-strives-to-recover-his-past-and-falls-in-love-with-a-woman-who-helps-him-do-it, if that really is a genre is moot. He tells me that this is the first movie in a trilogy of The Bourne Suchandsuch's that are planned, which is a bit baffling to me. Just like with Minority Report, I didn't feel like there was much room for a sequel, it pretty much succinctly wrapped it all up as much as one would expect from a one-shot movie. Granted, the ending wasn't this great climatic scene of heartbreak, drama, and death, but it was a pretty sufficient ending to the entire ordeal, in my opinion. This makes me slightly curious as to what will be done in the next movies, what plot device will they enlist to keep the movie going for two more installments? The Bourne Identity was a good spy movie, but, you know, without any real spy, which included a fair amount of action, intrigue, and romance, but not too much to choke a camel or anything. I'd say, all in all, I'd register this movie with a Failure Rating of about 28%, an average but not outstanding endeavour to the theatres that I don't see getting nominated for any awards.
EOF
posted by c.Jay Wrong at
1:22 AM
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