I have a tendency to avoid going to movie theatres to see a film on opening day, because, undoubtedly, that is the apex of crowdedness for the theatres, and with crowds, inevitably, come the greater chance for noisy and inconsiderate people. However, I found myself going to go see see Star Wars: Attack of the Clones this past Thursday, because a friend asked me to, and it wasn't as though I had something better to do.
I've been meaning to start reviewing certain things here and there in this Blogspot, so I'll take this opportunity to begin that habit.
The first thing that struck me as odd was that at, approximately, six ‘o clock in the afternoon the next open showing of Episode Two was at 6:15, which, unfortunately, was too close to be able to make the fifteen minute drive and shuffling around to get into the theatre. The next available tickets were for 8:50 that night, so we attempted to place our online orders for tickets for then. "Online ordering at that theatre temporarily unavailable." Perfect. So, my friend and I made the drive down to the AMC Hampton Town Square 24 to pick up tickets, and decided to kill the excess time with food and chilling. What I found odd about the available showings was that, on the opening day of Spiderman, me and some friends had gone to buy tickets to the next show at about the same time of day, and the next show open was at 11:00 PM, most inconvenient. That probably wasn't the case for Star Wars because of the much more numerous number of show-times, I guess.Enough inane blathering about daily, trivial matters, though.
While driving, my friend brought out and put on the newest Tool album for our listening pleasures, much to my relief, as he is in the horrendous habit of playing modern rap/hip-hop off the radio. I recalled hearing that Tool had lost Maynard, the writer/guitarist or somesuch, to Perfect Circle, from somewhere in the blurry past. I didn't care enough to actually check the CD insert to see if he was still a member. But, what I definitely noticed was that the music seemed a little off from old Tool. The guitar styling was radically different from past albums they released, so it may have been true about Maynard, and what I heard was the influence of the new guy on Tool. I have no problems with that, though, as bands change and get new members all the time. So, based on my first impressions and truncated listening, I give the new Tool album a 33% Failure rating.
Let me take this opportunity to expound upon the rating system I just made up and utilised real quickly. Being the negative bastard I am, the rating percentage is a measure of how much I feel the subject matter being reviewed has failed, so, like in golf and the breathaliser game, lower numbers indicate higher scores.
I've never been a hardcore fan of Tool, but I have found their music apt for some moods, but, in others, it strikes me, slightly, as meandering and aimless. My friend did, also, show me a good chunk of a music video for one of the tracks on the album, and, just because it was so outrageously weird, I lowered the Failure rating.
No wasting time rating my 12" roasted chicken breast on roasted garlic submarine sandwich from Subway to be found here, instead, to the movie.
It's been so very long since I saw Episode One, and the dissapointment surrounding that time hazes my memory, but, from the very first scene of Star Wars: Attack of the Clones, invariably featuring inclined yellow text scrolling away from the viewer followed by panning the camera to show a planet and, immediately after, spaceships, to the vertical/horizontal/diagonal/clock scene wipes, to the music track, character costumes, and settings harkens back to the original Trilogy so much more than the Phantom Menace did. I could just be forgetting that Episode One did the exact same things, due to the looming presence of the shaky plot and subplot, along with the fact that it was a frickin' children's movie blocking my mind, but, anyway... I'm excluding any spoilers, so, suffice it to say, by the end of Attack of the Clones, I felt the movie had, by far, redeemed itself for its absurd subtitle more than once. (Attack of the Clones? One adjective away from a B-rated horror movie title, Killer, for God's sake.) The plot actually advanced the story towards the impending coup d'état of the Empire and purging of the Jedi. We begin to see the stirrings of the Sith, and character development of Anakin. I would have to say that, overall, the only real qualm I had with Episode Two was Natalie Portman as Amadalia. This girl can't act, to put it straight-forward and outright. The only times it doesn't feel like she's in the act of somnambulance was when she managed to squeeze out those moments of contempt, happiness, or trauma necessary to not make the viewer wonder if she has been at the receiving end of a frontal lobotomy, a la Nicholson in Cuckoo's Nest. Some potential excellent scenes were only mediocre because I just couldn't be convinced by her acting. And, finally, thank you Lucas for replacing the comic relief of Jar Jar with that of C3PO. (Does Spanish even exist in the galaxy Star Wars takes place in? "Muy muy?" Yeah, yeah, he's cute and whatnot, but, still, he just doesn't fit in a Star Wars movie.)
So, in conclusion, I give Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones a Failure rating of a mere 15%.
I think it's time to give rest to the part of my brain which drives my critical and cynical side.
Ah, yes, and before I end this, while I am at it: Cowboy Bebop, all art related to it, the music of Yoko Kanno and the Seatbelts, the movie, all 25 episodes, Spike Spiegel, Jet Black, Ed, Ein, Elektra Obiwan, Vicious, Julia, and all of the other great characters invented receive a Failure rating of 0%.
Faye Valentine receives a Failure Rating of 85%.
Adios
Currently Playing Song: Yoko Kanno and the Seatbelts - Rain
Quote of the Moment: "Bitch, motherfucking on it bring, yo." - What Yoda should of said right before facing Dooku.
I've been meaning to start reviewing certain things here and there in this Blogspot, so I'll take this opportunity to begin that habit.
The first thing that struck me as odd was that at, approximately, six ‘o clock in the afternoon the next open showing of Episode Two was at 6:15, which, unfortunately, was too close to be able to make the fifteen minute drive and shuffling around to get into the theatre. The next available tickets were for 8:50 that night, so we attempted to place our online orders for tickets for then. "Online ordering at that theatre temporarily unavailable." Perfect. So, my friend and I made the drive down to the AMC Hampton Town Square 24 to pick up tickets, and decided to kill the excess time with food and chilling. What I found odd about the available showings was that, on the opening day of Spiderman, me and some friends had gone to buy tickets to the next show at about the same time of day, and the next show open was at 11:00 PM, most inconvenient. That probably wasn't the case for Star Wars because of the much more numerous number of show-times, I guess.Enough inane blathering about daily, trivial matters, though.
While driving, my friend brought out and put on the newest Tool album for our listening pleasures, much to my relief, as he is in the horrendous habit of playing modern rap/hip-hop off the radio. I recalled hearing that Tool had lost Maynard, the writer/guitarist or somesuch, to Perfect Circle, from somewhere in the blurry past. I didn't care enough to actually check the CD insert to see if he was still a member. But, what I definitely noticed was that the music seemed a little off from old Tool. The guitar styling was radically different from past albums they released, so it may have been true about Maynard, and what I heard was the influence of the new guy on Tool. I have no problems with that, though, as bands change and get new members all the time. So, based on my first impressions and truncated listening, I give the new Tool album a 33% Failure rating.
Let me take this opportunity to expound upon the rating system I just made up and utilised real quickly. Being the negative bastard I am, the rating percentage is a measure of how much I feel the subject matter being reviewed has failed, so, like in golf and the breathaliser game, lower numbers indicate higher scores.
I've never been a hardcore fan of Tool, but I have found their music apt for some moods, but, in others, it strikes me, slightly, as meandering and aimless. My friend did, also, show me a good chunk of a music video for one of the tracks on the album, and, just because it was so outrageously weird, I lowered the Failure rating.
No wasting time rating my 12" roasted chicken breast on roasted garlic submarine sandwich from Subway to be found here, instead, to the movie.
It's been so very long since I saw Episode One, and the dissapointment surrounding that time hazes my memory, but, from the very first scene of Star Wars: Attack of the Clones, invariably featuring inclined yellow text scrolling away from the viewer followed by panning the camera to show a planet and, immediately after, spaceships, to the vertical/horizontal/diagonal/clock scene wipes, to the music track, character costumes, and settings harkens back to the original Trilogy so much more than the Phantom Menace did. I could just be forgetting that Episode One did the exact same things, due to the looming presence of the shaky plot and subplot, along with the fact that it was a frickin' children's movie blocking my mind, but, anyway... I'm excluding any spoilers, so, suffice it to say, by the end of Attack of the Clones, I felt the movie had, by far, redeemed itself for its absurd subtitle more than once. (Attack of the Clones? One adjective away from a B-rated horror movie title, Killer, for God's sake.) The plot actually advanced the story towards the impending coup d'état of the Empire and purging of the Jedi. We begin to see the stirrings of the Sith, and character development of Anakin. I would have to say that, overall, the only real qualm I had with Episode Two was Natalie Portman as Amadalia. This girl can't act, to put it straight-forward and outright. The only times it doesn't feel like she's in the act of somnambulance was when she managed to squeeze out those moments of contempt, happiness, or trauma necessary to not make the viewer wonder if she has been at the receiving end of a frontal lobotomy, a la Nicholson in Cuckoo's Nest. Some potential excellent scenes were only mediocre because I just couldn't be convinced by her acting. And, finally, thank you Lucas for replacing the comic relief of Jar Jar with that of C3PO. (Does Spanish even exist in the galaxy Star Wars takes place in? "Muy muy?" Yeah, yeah, he's cute and whatnot, but, still, he just doesn't fit in a Star Wars movie.)
So, in conclusion, I give Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones a Failure rating of a mere 15%.
I think it's time to give rest to the part of my brain which drives my critical and cynical side.
Ah, yes, and before I end this, while I am at it: Cowboy Bebop, all art related to it, the music of Yoko Kanno and the Seatbelts, the movie, all 25 episodes, Spike Spiegel, Jet Black, Ed, Ein, Elektra Obiwan, Vicious, Julia, and all of the other great characters invented receive a Failure rating of 0%.
Faye Valentine receives a Failure Rating of 85%.
Adios
Currently Playing Song: Yoko Kanno and the Seatbelts - Rain
Quote of the Moment: "Bitch, motherfucking on it bring, yo." - What Yoda should of said right before facing Dooku.
posted by c.Jay Wrong at
1:05 AM
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