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Saturday, April 20, 2002

Uninhibited, pure sleep deprivation is an intriguing creature to study. I, as much as I know it's unhealthy for me, perform "experiments" in how long I can function correctly without any rest, so I have a large number of "trials" to draw from to make certain conclusions. I have noticed that after approximately one day of no sleep, with no caffeine intact or large quantities of sugar, it seems that parts of my brain shut down. It is, somewhat, disturbing when it happens, because it's almost instantaneous and a noticeable shift in how I act. For one, I, for whatever reason, lose all ability to put any inflection or energy into my voice, and it just becomes a flat, mostly monotone, gravely noise from the bottom of my throat, no matter how hard I try to change it. That's outside of the typical symptoms of no sleep, of course: tired, lack of energy, lethargy, the sort of things you would expect. Also, I become slower to make remarks about things, and even fail to come up with plausible, sarcastic quips to spout at whim. Oddly enough, though, I become more able to just smoothly and continuously joke on a "lower" level, with material which is more random, crude, and unintellectual. There have been few people to witness this state, though, as I usually put some coffee in my system during the course of time nearing one day without sleep, but there have been a few spots here and there where it happened around other people. After some time, though, I regain my voice without sleep, but that usually does involve downing some java.
Even without any coffee or colas, after two days or so without sleep, I get hyperactive. This is a disconcerting sight to behold for those who know me, too, as I am usually a low-key, toned-down, (To an extent) and... Well, just anti-hyperactive individual. Seeing me bounce around, talk faster, and smile and laugh a lot more often would throw myself off, if I were able to observe myself from the outside of my body. However, and luckily, this hyperactivity doesn't usually last more than four to six hours, and I no longer become as a giddy schoolgirl, to my own relief.
After that, I just gradually become more and more out of it, unable to focus on anything, inattentive, sluggish, unimaginative, and unsophisticated. Going from day three to four is rather uneventful, just, mostly, examples of me laying my head on surfaces and not moving for awhile, not responding to statements directly made to me, and other indications that half of my brain has blacked out.
The interesting part is when I reach four days and beyond without sleep, which I've only done twice, and, on the second time, I was only able to achieve that length without rest because of a fever. Delirium, hallucination, and lose of muscular control are the only things I remember from those two times, the memories being quite hazy. Nothing hugely out there, mind you, just minor "false" images, such as someone lifting their arm or turning their head, then I realise they didn't actually. I, also, recall swearing that a few people had changed their hair colours, but nobody actually had. And by lose of muscular control, I don't mean seizures or spasms, just not being able to keep my arms at my side, or my fingers staying curled, or my eyes and head twitching. All in all, it's not a very happy or uplifting picture of a man, and those were times I wasn't all that proud of myself for.
Lately, I've been keeping myself up too much, for multiple reasons, mainly due to restlessness and the inability to disperse the thoughts in my head enough to have a clear enough conscious to even sleep. An unpleasant habit I've picked up is falling unconscious at my desk while drawing or some such activity during which I pause momentarily, then, after an instant seems to pass for me, I wake up with horrible cricks in my neck and a very sore back. I should stop tormenting my biological clock for stupid, inane reasons that are irrelevant to my existence in the end, really.
Heh, it's pretty amusing that I'm writing about losing sleep at 3:30 AM, at least, to me and my addled state of mind. So, I think I'll be going to bed.

Adios.

Currently Playing Song: Gang of Four - We Live As We Dream, Alone
Quote of the Moment: "Life is but a dream, you know, that's never-ending. I'm ascending..." - Yoko Kanno, "Cowboy Bebop."