There exists this sentiment in society—or, at least, American society—that the very purpose of being alive is to propogate the species by having children. I’m here to state my opinion of that idea: bullshit. First off, let me establish myself as the opinionated asshole that I am, and say that I think a lot of things—more than I actually say—thus, this is nothing especially special to me. I’m not quite certain of the point of that last sentence, either.
I’ve thought a lot—written a lot—on the subjects of purpose and meaning, identity and existence, life and love, reason and being, spirit and so forth. Yet to make any final proclaimations on those ideas myself, I hesitate and am pretty damn certain nobody has the answer for me, or for anyone else. It comes down to the fact that the act of discovering identity and purpose is centric to being alive, to start; meaning, there is no one, easy solution to the problem of “Who am I?”
Admittedly, I find a certain beauty in the permutation of human genetics in the formation of new life via human reproduction; moreover, I probably will be a father one day, and very adamantly devoted to that role, then. Which is dandy, for me. It’s spiffy, for me. For me, folks, I’ve realised, a long time ago, that what works for me, works for me.
My fundamental gripe with the self-help culture is based on the fact that projecting your own idea of how to be alive onto others is retarded; in some cases, self-help can be sensible exercises in exploring yourself to find a unique sense of self. In most cases, it’s a quasi-circle-jerk of buzz words, coddling, psychological tripe, and warm-and-fuzzy bullshit. I digress, however, seeing as to how this is all only tangential to my point here.
There is this popular sentiment that not wanting to have children is bad—immoral, even! The fuck is wrong with you, people? I would like to make the following declaration:
Questioning someone’s willingness to conceive and rear children is one of the damned dumbest acts of social retardation feasible.
I have a friend (my ex-roommate) who is quite sure he will never have children; he fucking hates children; he would sooner kick his pregnant partner in the stomach than become a father. I quote: “If I ever have a kid, I’m naming him Lucky. Why? Because after all the contraceptives, vacuum tubes, coathangers, and well-placed blows to the abdomen, he deserves the name.” Do I ever ask, “Why? Why not have children? What’s wrong, huh? Is something a matter, my friend? Do you need . . . Help?” NO.
Do you want to know why? I don’t care if you don’t; I’m stating the reason, anywho.
The singlemost valid reason on the face of the fucking planet not to have children is not wanting to have children.
If you don’t want to have children: don’t. If you don’t want to have children and you are in the process of having one: stop. I don’t care how—abortion or adoption—just fucking stop. Why is it so hard to grasp the need for a desire to be a parent as key to being a parent who is worth a shit? The first—or, at least, one of the most essential—ingredient in the formula for Good Parenting is, I assure you, a feeling of want for the position.
What I find abundantly absurd is the idea of “consequences for your actions” ever being “raise a child.”
“Oh, you sure did go an’ knock up that chick; now, yous best to git to marryin’ and raisin’ that kid, now! I mean, you sure are an ir-re-sponsible sonuvabitch, so yous best git awn ovah der and bes a Daddy, now! After all, you exhibit such fine qualities as a human being, havin’ sex and bein’ sur’prised she’s Gosh darn pregnant now! You sure are a great example of a man, so yous is o’v’sily fit to be a father, shouly!”
The fuck? Is someone a God damned idiot for having a pregnancy fall into their hands without their preparation? Sure! Fucking retards, each and every single one of you—sex equals procreation, and sex for pleasure without completing the act . . . Well, that would be handicapped sex, in a way, wouldn’t it? Yes, yes it would, Timmy. Now, shut up, because I don’t want to go off on that topic.
You see, there are conflicting ideologies present in American society: one, nobody is no longer required to spend any of their life being educated in the art of parenthood; two, people seem to think it’s okay for unprepared, dimwitted teenagers to give birth. What the fuck did any baby ever do wrong to deserve having fuckwits for parents? Who are we to be forcing a child to be raised in a household with a combined intelligence quotient not making it into triple digits? STOP IT!
My friend doesn’t want to be a father; therefore, I don’t want him to be a father. One who does not want for the position of being a parent is destined to, at best, be a mediocre role model for their children—because, for one, it’s passive-aggressive idiocy to not want for something so much and to still go through with it. Compromise? Do you think that’s compromise? No, you fucker, it’s not. It’s called sequestering part of yourself in the face of overwhelming social and peer pressure: repression, in other words, facefucker.
And it’s all in the name of what? “Responsibility?” What kind of wishbone are you breaking in half in the hopes that someone who has, up to this point, not been intelligent or responsible, is suddenly going to transform into Wonderdad: Shining Example of Fatherhood for All Mankind!? NO, people, just NO.
(Don’t think I’m focusing this on the male role in this stupid shit intentionally; I’m mostly just defaulting to the masculine, as our language tends to do itself, and I am very lazy—so lazy I will never participate in making everything unisex or all-inclusive. Use your imagination and replace pronouns where appropriate to spread the hatred to both genders equally, if you so please.)
Whatever happened to the idea of the crèche, where the people who wanted to be parents were trained and allowed to be parents in a controlled environment? What was so wrong with that notion? Oh, oh, I see, so now it’s a “human right” to be a parent, or somesuch bullshit? It’s not morally correct to suggest that someone give their kid up to someone who may actually form their little, malleable minds into something stable, well-grounded, and complete? Instead, it’s definitely the moral thing to do to just let whoever feels like it raise a half-bred brat of a child and let it loose on society as a whole; remember, we don’t have the right to complain about this, either! Children are children, and aren’t children adorable?
Does anyone actually remember their childhood? Does anyone remember how much some children were cruel, evil, hideous, frothing, frantic, heretic, heinous, hellish, horrible creatures? Sure, they may turn out as alright or, occassionally, even good people, but it’s only after their adolescence and early adult years are spent purging everything they ever learned as a child out of their heads. Hell, that’s mostly the point of therapy: to reform those who weren’t raised worth a shit. Somebody’s parents didn’t instill in them a proper sense of morality and how to understand their self and the functions, operations and thought processes necessary for survival and being an optimal example of a human being—not to mention how to correlate all this with the world around them—oopsie! Fucking OOPS.
Who deals with those mistakes? Who has to fix these human errors of human beings? Society, people, me and you (presuming you’re worth a shit, of course). These people don’t fix themselves. They don’t magically gain understanding of how malformed their minds are. Can you just tell someone and have them comprehend that they are lacking vital parts of their human psyche because their parents were losers? NO.
I digress, once more—it's what I do, what can I say?
So, if someone says to you that they don’t want to have children, don’t fucking look at them like they’re crazed animals on the loose, or immoral bastards only wishing to leech off society, dirty Communists or Fascists, or whatever your taste in deragatory language may deign appropriate. Stop it. Praise them, praise them for being aware of the fact that they will probably suck at parenthood. People usually don’t want to have children for one of two reasons: one, they are self-aware and see the qualities they lack that would lend themselves to a healthy child-rearing experience; two, they are lazy and unmotivated about the idea, which is damn good enough reason why they’d suck shit at being parents, what with not posessing the energies to be capable of even wanting to do it.
The loose idea here is that life is about what you make it. A lot of people will choose to make it about procreation of the species, which is fine. However, the alternative—not to procreate the species and remain childless—is just as fucking viable. Why? Because children should be raised, first and foremost, by people who want to raise children. (Other qualities, such as intelligence, wits, skills, talents, genes, diseases, and socioeconomic standing can be considered, later.)
And if you want children? Don’t talk shit about people who don’t. If you don’t want children? No, neither can you talk shit about people who think otherwise. Unless you want to be raging hypocrites; in which case, have at it, jackasses.
Conclusion: the meaning of your life is an entirely individual idea that is ascertained from deep, introverted self-exploration, which varies on a case-by-case and person-to-person basis. It will not, by default, include spawning a new person into this world. Should or shouldn’t it? Depends.
People who end up with children they don’t want shouldn’t have them. In my opinion, they shouldn’t be allowed to have them, but that’s political territory on which I do not wish to tread here. Children who are from parents that never wanted kids will probably suck at being human for the first part of their life, up until the point where they have the capacity to ditch everything ever exemplified by their parents to them.
Ever heard of a serial killer who had a healthy childhood? No, they were all bludgeoning kittens and puppies with bricks, squeezing birds to death, hitting other kids with sticks, and, generally, running amok. You think their parents were any good at their job? Hell NO!
Fuck That and Fuck You
Thank You
