Incongrous Ruination

I had a big entry. But I closed Maxthon (the browser) and lost it (aren't I clever for disabling the 'close confirmation' option).

Instead of re-typing that entry now, I will, instead, complain!

The following words are officially being rationed: 'totally,' 'so,' and 'like.'

That's right; if you use these words too much, the Secret Police will come to your house and beat you with Thesauri (now there is an awesome word). Also, intentional mispelling is punishable by caning with a Dictionary, fuckers.

I'm sick of hearing the word 'like' so God damn often. "Oh my God, like, I was, like, totally, like, all upset, and he was, like, 'I'm sorry,' and I was, like, whatever."

STOP IT!

Or, worse yet, I'll stumble across someone's Livejournal—a hobby of mine is perusing random ones—and see 'lyke.' Yeah, you know what? You're not clever when you replace 'i's with 'y's, or 'c's with 'k's, or 's's with 'z's. Fuck that, and fuck you.

Inevitably, it's the same people who type 'lyke' or 'lyk' who use the word 'like' too much in their speech, as well, along with 'totally' and 'so.' I think it's come to the point where I am caused physical pain when I hear "so like totally whatever." And I hear it all the damn time.

Christ, is there a such thing as a Fortitude Save Versus Humanity?

And, also, am I denying, for a second, that I am a geek? No. I am a linguaphile. I am a nerd. A bookworm. A throbbing geek. Plus, I don't give a fuck about your different connotations for 'geek,' 'nerd,' or 'dork.' I'm sick of hearing people continually redefine the terms contextually, based on sex or status or something else retarded. Fuck that and fuck you.

Here's a suggestion for all you people who find yourself compelled to use the word 'like' for every possible God damn verb: check out words such as 'said,' 'thought,' 'exclaimed.' Also, 'like' has a very clear purpose: for use with similes, motherfuckers. If you're not creating a simile, DON'T USE THE FUCKING WORD. If you're trying to say that you are enamored with something or adore someone? FIND NEW WORDS! Assholes, I will punch you all in the faces.

I'm, like, so totally sick of, like, people who talk like this, like, totally, and shit. Whatever. Can't you come up with a new word to express the totality of the scope of whatever you may be making reference? 'Completely,' 'entirely,' and 'massively' work fine, you bastards.

Furthermore, is it a fucking crime to be original in the way you stress certain subjects or ideas? You won't hurt its feelings if you don't always use the word 'so,' you know. There are other methods of creating superlatives, in case you hadn't noticed, even aside from using 'er' or 'est.' Which isn't always correct, shitface, alright? Fun, funner, funnest is not a correct set of words, no matter how many times you sons of bitches make the idiotic joke. Fuck that and fuck you.

How about 'very?' I have a very close and personal relationship with that word, I find it very satisfying to use. It's simple yet graceful, in addition to the nice way it rolls of the tongue: very smoothly. See? Did I have to use 'so?' Did the word die from negligence? Did it cry? Did it write horrendous, Gothic poetry about the times I didn't use it? NO.

To reiterate: 'like,' 'totally,' and 'so' will no longer be tolerated in large quantities. You will receive a daily ration of one, maybe two, of these words, and no more. Those caught indulging in excess rations will be held accountable for their actions.

This is for the good of society, do you want to be a leech, a mooch? No. Communists are mooches. Are you a Communist? Do you code in Java (warning: reference to external rant)? No, I didn't think so, maggot.

Fuck That and Fuck You
Thank You