Reclamation

I have decreed a new law, citizens.

It is a nationwide censorship.

If you go to speak sentences containing the following phrases:

"You're a really nice guy, but . . . ";

"We have a really special friendship . . . ";

"You're just too good for me . . . ";

"You make me too happy . . . ";

"I don't want to hurt you . . . ";

"I just want to do what's best for you . . . ";

"I'm not ready to commit, but . . . ";

. . . The sentence will, by my new, patent-pending Speech-Switch-O-Matic System, be replaced with the new, improved sentence:

"I am an emotional cripple and I apologise for my failure at life."

Thank You