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Friday, October 28, 2005

Your Mawkish Cowardice, Bitch

It's time for a lesson from (The Completely Unqualified) Doctor Wrong . . . God, that felt so stupid to type.

     In the real world, your parents have no more weight with authorities than you do, which is to say . . . That more than likely, none. In fact, you look all the less redeemable when you are having your folks take up your own fight. What the hell is wrong with you people? What do you think life goes like? This, maybe:

AUTHORITY: We are placing this restriction upon your existence.
YOU: That suxx0rs! Wah, I do not like this turn of events!
AUTHORITY: Too bad.
YOU: FINEZ0R!
[Time passes, the Authority has a cup of refreshing hazelnut coffee.]
YOUR PARENTS: That thing that you did to our kid? Yeah, you know, the one, to that person who is our child? You know the one, I know you do . . . We, like, don't . . . Like it, either.
AUTHORITY: Oh, well, of course, now that someone who is in their thirties to forties has brought it to our attention that this action we have taken is such a great social injustice and clearly the doing of only an evil, Satan-worshipping organization of cultists, pedophiles, Republicans, and dog-faced mutant baby octopus-mouthed alien beings of discrete origins . . . We shall immediately stop it, post haste!

     I beg to differ. That is not how things go. The last line of dialogue would, more than likely, be replaced with this one:

AUTHORITY: OH, OH, HOLY SHIT! WE TOTALLY DON'T CARE!

     Seriously, if I have to deal with one more "parents of a student" who "can't get connected to the internet" on campus, I may start swinging a stapler around with vicious intent. Honestly, if I have to hear, from one more mother or father, that we are "unfairly not allowing their son or daughter on the network," or that we are "arbitrarily deciding to not help," I may have to get all Christian Bale on their asses (pick any Christian Bale movie, really, I'm not thinking of any one in specificity, although not so much The Machinist Christian Bale and more along the lines of Equillibrium or Batman).

Grr. Argh.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

"The Naivé Dream" (Doot)

"Asleep, he was a man's man . . . In an entirely heterosexual way."

Wouldn't it be so splendid if,
That you could let me pay,
You to allow me to,
Validate
      my
            manhood?

     "He had his way with scores of women, from next door to exotic lands and back around the globe. The newspaper would run articles on how many times he bedded, per week. There was a ceremony, at town hall, where the mayor gave him a skeleton key to every chastity belt in the city. It was a documented tradition in the law books that every girl was to be his before being legitimately wed."

I'm just a boy, you know;
Just a virgin sacrifice in
Waiting; just a little less
Pathetic than dirt; just a
Laughingstocking for you
to put your
Christmas
      candy
            cane.

     "A company released a condom named in his honour; the local pharmacy used his name as code for prescriptions of birth control and boxes of morning-after pills; teenagers used his name as slang for everything from venereal disease to deviant sexual acts to the proverbial Casanova. There were televised dramatisations based on his life on the Feminist channel where it was a great triump to the gender as a whole to not allow him in for the night, once."

      Smile at me,
      Smile at me,

      SMILE AT ME!
            . . . please?

     "He was invited to the White House to shake the President's hand, and to smoke a cigar and take a photo (he framed it and hung it over his bed, so each woman he had afterward could admire it). His boss committed suicide because his wife could love none other than him (he did it by overdosing on Viagra and shots of vodka--it was very symbolic). Pimps would, as he walked down the street, offer him books of coupons (he smiled politely and nodded, assuring them--with a sly wink--that he was in need of no such thing)."

A kiss in the dark (don't tell),
Warmth and security, sex in beauty,
(Don't tell)--a taste, a scent,
This is it, the ascent,
What's that? Vertigo? (don't tell.)

     "Asleep, he wasn't reaching the end of his sexual prime without ever having even kissed a girl."

            Weak
      knees
betray my naiveté . . .

Friday, October 21, 2005

The Most Awesome Idea of the Day

   I am a rather olfactory-centric type of guy. Blame it on the horrible vision slash blindness, but I follow my nose (yet I find Froot Loops to be mediocre, at best). I love pleasant smells, I find them invigorating and enjoyable. Some people smile when they see a butterfly land on a puppy's nose—I'm standing ten feet away and I can't see it, so I mostly am thinking that puppies smell bad. 'Cause they do. Seriously . . . Wash your puppies with regularity, people with puppies . . . Puppy-people.
   Anyway, the point is that I love . . . Love . . . Good smells. I hate mint because it smells too strongly, stinging my nostrils . . . A friend once pointed out to me that the actual flavor of mint is activated by the smell of it, which probably explains why, to me, mint tastes like burning: not fiery or hot, mind you, but like the concept of burning, the very idea of it. Instead, I love the subtle wafting smells of baked goods, breads or pastries, or earthen odours of grass, dirt, leaves, bark, trees, sap.
   I also like the smell of gasoline, and I don't know why. (Note: Huffing gasoline is bad, kids.)

   So, the most awesome idea of the day is the one had by whoever decided that shampoos, conditions, body oils, body washes, colognes, perfumes, soaps, and so forth should smell like delicious foodstuffs. Oh my fucking God, I can not describe how much I love the smell of coconut butter or french vanilla. And people are walking around wearing these smells . . . For no good reason. I wholly endorse this practice, with the entirety of my being.
   Some girl walked up to the window of where I work and she smelled strongly like white chocolate, and for a brief moment that woman was the most desireable being in existence to me. It's kinda creepy, I know, but on a basic level, I wanted to consume her being, her sweet, chocolate-scented being. Devour her delicious soul, mmm.

   I am a strange man, but I really just wanted to devote an entry to this idea, to hair that smells like honey and lavender, or skin that smells like caramel or whatever. It's the best thing ever, today, so far as I'm concerned.
   In all seriousness, I instantly became hungry after this girl walked up.

[fin]

Grow Up: You Selfish, Arrogant, Self-Satisfied, Narcissistic, Ignorant, Small-Minded, Clueless, Immature, Childish, Self-Centered, Lying, Worthless, Non-Redeemable, Insignificant, Moot Points in Space and Wastes of Time



Words do not properly serve me in the obliteration of specific examples of mankind as I so wish they could.

     So . . . Wish . . .

     This is not High School. Life is not High School. The World does not operate anywhere near to the same mechanics as a High School does: that is not how existence functions. High School is an oslated community of individuals who are teenagers and, thus, ignorant.
     Teenagers don't know shit about fuck. I, as a teenager, didn't know fuck squat, I didn't have a clue what life truly meant or was like. Yeah, you may have experiences that make you more mature than another teenager in some regard, but understand that once you reach adulthood—true, actual adulthood—you will look back and know that you didn't know fucking anything, in the end.
     In fact, if you look back on your teenaged years, and don't see how you've changed, grown, matured, developed psychologically, socially, emotionally, intellectually, pragmatically, then you may as well check yourself into Fuckwit Motel and get yourself a bed with Miss Mary Moron. She doesn't charge much, but that's because she only counts to fourteen and a half.

     High School knows this. High School knows how silly and blissfully unaware teenagers are. It is constructed in such a way as to allow for this and to accomodate this fact. High School is a haven for teenagers: a place for them to experience a tiny slice of the world, instead of as a whole, and adjust yourself just to that before reality opens your rectum up wide and sticks its entire damn fist inside, full-force and without mercy or remorse—like the really fucking lame lyrics of some metal song.
     You don't know this when you're in High School, 'cause you're just a teen. A silly, little, adorable teenager who thinks he knows things and understands the world and has puzzledo ut the intricate weavings and windings of the world in all its different ways. You're a teen, you think you know it all, and you don't, so nobody treats you like you do, which is what you want, and that makes you upset, so you believe that it's you against the rest of the world and everything is so hard and so difficult and so set against you in every way. Wah, wah, wah, this little piggy cried all the way fucking home—you're wrong.
     When I see teenagers nowadays, with their cute opinions and righteous convictions, I just want to pat them on the head, and coo and say, "Aw, it's just so great how you are so wrong! You don't know anything, and you think you do, and I just want to pinch your chubby cheeks! You're in an emotionally and physically tumultous time and you're trying your very best to cope with how things are, now, and have no idea how things will be, in the future! That's googy, to use an outdated Gothgirl term."

     Just give 'em a big hug and reassure them that everything will be a thousandfold worse down the line for you, in that everything gets harder and more difficult and less forgiving and stops compensating for you.
     No, it's not teenagers who I wish to see combust through only the might of my prayers to God.
     No.

     You're twenty-one, twenty-two.
     You're in college.
     And you're still a teen, in your head.
     And it's still High School, in your mind.

     And you really ought to do me a favour and drink antifreeze.
     And die.

     High School will give you the benefit of the doubt. It will let you play the disgruntled and malcontent teenager who seeks to "outsmart" and "trick" the adults and the "mundanes" or the "sheep" or whatever stupid terminology you've conjured up to describe people who aren't you or your fellow brethren. When you're in High School and a teen, you can get away with stupid shit, through bullshit means, because the adults who administer these situations were there, at some point in their past, and they know what it feels like, how nothing makes complete sense, and they hand-wave your misbehavings and let you get by thinking you've "won."
     Understand that you won nothing, outsmarted nobody, and are not a clever little boy or girl. You weren't smarter than they were, you didn't cunningly manauver your way out of the consequences for your actions—the consequences you received were exactly the ones you were going to receive, unless you further aggravated the authority and they increased. No. You, at best, kowtow your way out of serious punishment, but you get what you get, no matter what convuluted and retarded logic only a teenager could conjecture you may have presented.

     In the real world, it doesn't fly like that. Businesses and jobs, institutions and authorites are not going to wrap you on the proverbial knuckles with a figurative ruler and let it slide that you're clueless. If you get out of High School and you still are trying to get by on teenaged logic and tactics, you're in for a realisation, sometime, once you wake up from your deliriously hilarious stupor. There are no fourth, fifth, sixth chances. There is no amnesty for ludicrous irresponsibility and juvenile deliquency. You will not be forgiven.
     In the real world, you can't bullshit your way out of things. People will not nod and smile while you lie and attempt to manipulate them into believing that you didn't fuck up, that it wasn't your fault. No, fucker, it was, and there's no two ways around it, no escape, no relenting, no blame-passing. The passive aggressive retardation that governs the teenaged mind and is alloted for in High School does not exist outside of that institution of education and maturation. Think of it as an incubation process for unhatched eggs—congratulations, you're an official living being and now you will lose your head if you put your neck out too far where it doesn't belong and should never have been.

     Accept the responsibility. Take the blame. 'Fess up to the fault. Mea culpa, my bad, my fault, I'm sorry. Shit happens. People fuck up. It's life. It's reality. It's irreversible. Unchangeable. Inevitable. Predetermined, even. Fate.
     Sometimes, you gotta take the fall. You gotta admit the mistake. Face the error. Face your error. Face your faults, your flaws, what you lack, your weaknesses, deficiencies. They'll leave you out to dry; when the roosters comes to roost, you better not have laid an egg. Take it like a man, like an adult, like a mature individual who realises the entrappings of existence, the workings of the world. That things have to be dealt with,can't be pushed to the back, passed off, glanced over, skimmed.
     There's no speed-reading for existence, fucko. You skip pages in the book, you're going to be left high and dry, confused and bewildered, not sure what happened and why your ass is on fire. If you can't handle this, you may as well get the fuck off this planet, out of this race.

School's out forever.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

MirrorMask

I agree with R.K. Milholland.

MirrorMask: 2% FR.

Need to write more. (Need to write something worth reading.)

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Three Poems

Here are three poems that I don't consider amazingly good, but do, in fact, share a common vein. It may or may not be apparent what that vein is unless you're me. There's a fourth poem, too, but that one's too autobiographical to have merit.

Damn


you are the one and only and
       your eyes melt like honey
in the pit of your soft irises

       rise and fall push and shove you
are the Rosetta stone the
       forbidden zone the one i want
alone and

rise and fall push and shove your
       body so holy your smell drives me
to be lonely and your face so
       comely homely (not in the sense of ugly)
rise and fall

       push and shove you come out above
and i make the call won't you be my
       lovely some say it's unbecoming i
think it's befitting just

       stay for one sitting
paint your visage
       in stereo vision
in goes the first
       incision

and i'm all cut out
       all cut up
all cut down
       all put off
all put down
       all left out

shit
* * *

Be Me


i have been stripped down bare
       in the toxic stream
i have been exposed for what i am
       a lowly sham
              damn

              you tear me apart
       you cut me down
              i am no man
       no return receipt
no item exchange
       here i am: your commodity
       here i am your property
              such a tax break
              a charity write-off

i'll make you happy
       you'll see
i'll give you everything
       you'll be me
i'll be

       you'll be me
i'll be
* * *

The Fool's Lament: A History of the Protagonist's Friend


you made me
       feel so fine
              you had me
       in your fingers
and i had
absolutely
nothing

              your words are empty
       your smile is hollow
your promises are dust
       i am not the Fool
       i am the Fool
       i am not the Fool
i am

you seemed so genuine
       so, so kind
you seemed to care
       so, so fair
you seemed to be real
       so, so imaginary

i imagined such things
       that can not be wrtten
down in ink or in pixels

       Fool
* * *


Adios.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

All Attempts At Abstemious Behaviour

I can't stop twirling my beard. Seriously, ever since this summer when I grew it out to a rather decent length, and realised that I had been trimming my beard with the wrong side of the trimmer (I actually did do this—for the longest time, I wasn't using the side of the guard on the trimmer that was the effective distance from the blade that the setting indicated, so my beard was rather short for a long time). Something about the texture of the facial hair has caused me to develop an involuntary urge to fiddle with it.

I do it nigh constantly. I've been consciously trying to stop myself, but I can't. I just do it when I'm bored and have nothing to do with my hands, which is often. I feel like I've turned into some bad 20's or 30's villain in a bad spy or action program that always spins his moustache or beard around with a finger when laughing devilishly or maniacally scheming something.

What is wrong with me? I need some sort of support group or self-help book for this. "Beard Touching Anonymous," or "Do You Find Your Own Facial Hair Way Too Fascinating To Feel, You Dirty Fucking Freak?"

I did it about three times when I paused between typing this. Again, just now, I stopped to think, "how should I end this," and I did it again. I was about to at the end of that last sentence, but I stopped myself.

It's taking me over, the beard has control. THE BEARD HAS CONTROL.

[bored]

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Brief (The Most Pointless Entry #03)

I have some stories to tell . . . Some reviews to post . . . Some things to write, say. I'm not sure when I'll have the time. I just thought the proverbial "you" might like to know.

Hey, it's October!

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Seren(dip)ity (God, Such A Lame Title)

I could conjure up an elaborate way of saying that Serenity is the absolute shit, but I'm not.

Serenity: 0% FR

Go. See. It.