All Attempts At Abstemious Behaviour

I can't stop twirling my beard. Seriously, ever since this summer when I grew it out to a rather decent length, and realised that I had been trimming my beard with the wrong side of the trimmer (I actually did do this—for the longest time, I wasn't using the side of the guard on the trimmer that was the effective distance from the blade that the setting indicated, so my beard was rather short for a long time). Something about the texture of the facial hair has caused me to develop an involuntary urge to fiddle with it.

I do it nigh constantly. I've been consciously trying to stop myself, but I can't. I just do it when I'm bored and have nothing to do with my hands, which is often. I feel like I've turned into some bad 20's or 30's villain in a bad spy or action program that always spins his moustache or beard around with a finger when laughing devilishly or maniacally scheming something.

What is wrong with me? I need some sort of support group or self-help book for this. "Beard Touching Anonymous," or "Do You Find Your Own Facial Hair Way Too Fascinating To Feel, You Dirty Fucking Freak?"

I did it about three times when I paused between typing this. Again, just now, I stopped to think, "how should I end this," and I did it again. I was about to at the end of that last sentence, but I stopped myself.

It's taking me over, the beard has control. THE BEARD HAS CONTROL.

[bored]