Time for a review that most of my readers will probably vastly disagree with: Nirvana, 100% Failure Rating. And just as a reminder, one-hundred percent is as bad as it gets on my Failure Rating System (FRS).
That's right, folks: fuck Nirvana. Doubly over, fuck Kurt Cobain. And it's not that I was an enemy of the early 90's Seattle grunge movement, and it's not that I "hate them because they're popular." No, quite the opposite is true . . . Grunge music harkens to acid rock, which is influenced by modern Jazz a la later Miles Davis and the such . . . Which is music I'm very fond of, truly. And, sure, I hate MTV and I hated MTV back when everybody claims it was "cool," which is to say all the white people who don't like rap say that it was cool and played music, versus the current fad of hip-hop culture that is definitely not Green Day and Weezer. Nirvana stood and still stands for MTV of that era: decidedly and purposefully white; moreover, it was a time of white, suburban teenagers . . . Which is probably why I know so many people who worship the MTV of that era, I know way too many suburbanite white kids.
My deep-seated hatred for Nirvana doesn't stem from the generic, bland, and over-distorted instrumentals. Indeed, I was not impressed by them, but that did not lead me to celebrate Kurt Cobain's death. I should mention that I really did have a personal celebration when he was found dead, too. Am I a horrible human being? Yes. Anyway . . . No, it was not the music of Nirvana that made me sick.
Is it the lyrics that Cobain so (im)passionately belted out that bother me so? Somewhat, I'm sure . . . At best, Nirvana's lyrics were the product of bad poetics. I would be slightly a hypocrite to complain of a band's lyrics being nonsensical poetics, though, because I do listen to Gravity Kills. However, what redeems that band, in my eyes, is the interesting and innovative instrumentals, of course -- which Nirvana just utterly lacked. Don't tell me about how deep and stirring Nirvana's lyrics were. Don't tell me how they spoke to a generation and how they were controversial and brave. I will call bullshit on your ass so fast, it may be left spinning for one whole cycle of sin . . . The purpose of that previous sentence was to demonstrate, for one, a typical lyric of Nirvana, and, also, to show how easy it is to make that shit up. It took me no time to type that out, and, trust me, it's garbage, albeit catchy. Which is exactly how Nirvana made its living: being catchy.
Yes, that's right. Nirvana was catchy, because Nirvana was grunge-pop. I realised that a long, long time ago, back when they were still turning out radio/MTV hit after hit. Cobain fooled an entire audience into believe his little pop investment was so much more than that. And then he died, which just cemented his place on that golden pedestal of fame and glory he had built himself on. Had Nirvana continued to exist, it would've done what all pop bands do, and slowly dwindle away into obscurity when its time in the limelight has expired. It would've came and gone, like Blind Melon or Silverchair. As all bands who do so have, Nirvana would've had a cult following of devoted fans who would never let go . . . Oh, well, the problem is that Cobain died -- two barrels down the throat -- and now I have to listen to people talk about how awesome Nirvana was, despite them never having listened to them when they were alive. Fuck famous suicide "victims."
Let me get right down to the source of my boiling disdain for Nirvana, though. Nirvana was a bastion for the whiny, angsty, spoiled, suburban teenager. It spoke to the depressed, little retards who twiddle their 15-year-old thumbs and hate their parents for not letting them go down to the crack-house to attend the party all the "cool kids" are at. Read Cobain's lyrics, and read the shit that high-schoolers scribble in the margins of their math notes; read Cobain's lyrics, and hear the generic, shallow voice of a boy who only got the hang of living long enough to declare how crappy living is. Rape me? Fucking hell no, Cobain never got raped, in any form . . . When he wrote that song, he was enjoying fame and fortune, by then. Smells Like Teen Spirit said it all, whether or not it was supposed to be a satire of teenage spirit. That's right, Cobain -- wherever your corpse may be rotting -- you catered to everything you mocked.
Nirvana gave an entire generation of bitchy suburbanites an excuse to get excited over a band. It brought out of the woodwork all of those teenage girls with "deep" poetry, and all those angry, antisocial teenage boys with entitlement complexes. Out came a horde of drones bowing down to Nirvana, flooding the streets with their middle-class woes and overblown stress . . . I can't get the Camaro I want; my boyfriend won't lick me right; life is a spiralling void of devoid spirals, because school sucks . . . Can I persecute a band for its following? I sure as Hell can, boys and girls.
Moreso than the fact that Nirvana attracted a crowd of retarded, white kids who gnawed on their gloom-cookies (to borrow a term), but it really did stand for everything that these idiots touted. Grey, bleak, boring, dull, generic, blurry, drab, run-of-the-mill angst and sorrow. Nirvana was, in a way, the whiniest band in the history of music, in my humble opinion. If you only listened to the instrumentals, they were uninspiring. If you only read the lyrics, they were typical and contrived poems out of suburbia. If you listened to it all, well . . . You got a whiny voice straining over bad guitars about how life was confusing, or society is silly. If you want to do that, you have to get something unique: talented voice, musicians, or a gimmick. Nirvana's gimmick was that they were bored. What? No, that wasn't anything new. Tortured artist? Fuck you, Dickinson, Rothko and Van Gogh did that shit twenty times better.
Kurt Cobain was sad. Kurt Cobain was bored. Kurt Cobain got money. Kurt Cobain's head go blam.
Adios.
That's right, folks: fuck Nirvana. Doubly over, fuck Kurt Cobain. And it's not that I was an enemy of the early 90's Seattle grunge movement, and it's not that I "hate them because they're popular." No, quite the opposite is true . . . Grunge music harkens to acid rock, which is influenced by modern Jazz a la later Miles Davis and the such . . . Which is music I'm very fond of, truly. And, sure, I hate MTV and I hated MTV back when everybody claims it was "cool," which is to say all the white people who don't like rap say that it was cool and played music, versus the current fad of hip-hop culture that is definitely not Green Day and Weezer. Nirvana stood and still stands for MTV of that era: decidedly and purposefully white; moreover, it was a time of white, suburban teenagers . . . Which is probably why I know so many people who worship the MTV of that era, I know way too many suburbanite white kids.
My deep-seated hatred for Nirvana doesn't stem from the generic, bland, and over-distorted instrumentals. Indeed, I was not impressed by them, but that did not lead me to celebrate Kurt Cobain's death. I should mention that I really did have a personal celebration when he was found dead, too. Am I a horrible human being? Yes. Anyway . . . No, it was not the music of Nirvana that made me sick.
Is it the lyrics that Cobain so (im)passionately belted out that bother me so? Somewhat, I'm sure . . . At best, Nirvana's lyrics were the product of bad poetics. I would be slightly a hypocrite to complain of a band's lyrics being nonsensical poetics, though, because I do listen to Gravity Kills. However, what redeems that band, in my eyes, is the interesting and innovative instrumentals, of course -- which Nirvana just utterly lacked. Don't tell me about how deep and stirring Nirvana's lyrics were. Don't tell me how they spoke to a generation and how they were controversial and brave. I will call bullshit on your ass so fast, it may be left spinning for one whole cycle of sin . . . The purpose of that previous sentence was to demonstrate, for one, a typical lyric of Nirvana, and, also, to show how easy it is to make that shit up. It took me no time to type that out, and, trust me, it's garbage, albeit catchy. Which is exactly how Nirvana made its living: being catchy.
Yes, that's right. Nirvana was catchy, because Nirvana was grunge-pop. I realised that a long, long time ago, back when they were still turning out radio/MTV hit after hit. Cobain fooled an entire audience into believe his little pop investment was so much more than that. And then he died, which just cemented his place on that golden pedestal of fame and glory he had built himself on. Had Nirvana continued to exist, it would've done what all pop bands do, and slowly dwindle away into obscurity when its time in the limelight has expired. It would've came and gone, like Blind Melon or Silverchair. As all bands who do so have, Nirvana would've had a cult following of devoted fans who would never let go . . . Oh, well, the problem is that Cobain died -- two barrels down the throat -- and now I have to listen to people talk about how awesome Nirvana was, despite them never having listened to them when they were alive. Fuck famous suicide "victims."
Let me get right down to the source of my boiling disdain for Nirvana, though. Nirvana was a bastion for the whiny, angsty, spoiled, suburban teenager. It spoke to the depressed, little retards who twiddle their 15-year-old thumbs and hate their parents for not letting them go down to the crack-house to attend the party all the "cool kids" are at. Read Cobain's lyrics, and read the shit that high-schoolers scribble in the margins of their math notes; read Cobain's lyrics, and hear the generic, shallow voice of a boy who only got the hang of living long enough to declare how crappy living is. Rape me? Fucking hell no, Cobain never got raped, in any form . . . When he wrote that song, he was enjoying fame and fortune, by then. Smells Like Teen Spirit said it all, whether or not it was supposed to be a satire of teenage spirit. That's right, Cobain -- wherever your corpse may be rotting -- you catered to everything you mocked.
Nirvana gave an entire generation of bitchy suburbanites an excuse to get excited over a band. It brought out of the woodwork all of those teenage girls with "deep" poetry, and all those angry, antisocial teenage boys with entitlement complexes. Out came a horde of drones bowing down to Nirvana, flooding the streets with their middle-class woes and overblown stress . . . I can't get the Camaro I want; my boyfriend won't lick me right; life is a spiralling void of devoid spirals, because school sucks . . . Can I persecute a band for its following? I sure as Hell can, boys and girls.
Moreso than the fact that Nirvana attracted a crowd of retarded, white kids who gnawed on their gloom-cookies (to borrow a term), but it really did stand for everything that these idiots touted. Grey, bleak, boring, dull, generic, blurry, drab, run-of-the-mill angst and sorrow. Nirvana was, in a way, the whiniest band in the history of music, in my humble opinion. If you only listened to the instrumentals, they were uninspiring. If you only read the lyrics, they were typical and contrived poems out of suburbia. If you listened to it all, well . . . You got a whiny voice straining over bad guitars about how life was confusing, or society is silly. If you want to do that, you have to get something unique: talented voice, musicians, or a gimmick. Nirvana's gimmick was that they were bored. What? No, that wasn't anything new. Tortured artist? Fuck you, Dickinson, Rothko and Van Gogh did that shit twenty times better.
Kurt Cobain was sad. Kurt Cobain was bored. Kurt Cobain got money. Kurt Cobain's head go blam.
Adios.
posted by c.Jay Wrong at
1:01 AM
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