December Thirty-First

Out under the stars, I stare long and hard,
The moon finds my face and I rise to my feet,
I'll say to myself one more time, repeat, refrain,
I'll go away and walk away and be away,
I'll take that first step and disappear,
Nobody to miss me here, nobody to kiss my fear,
Nobody to see me leer at the rising moon,
I'll scream in my mind that, here,
I won't ever find that reason I seek,
The need to see to be to hear to flee,
Ball my child-like fists and scream, again.

At the teasing moon, I'll grit and sneer,
She looks down at me from above and I hear her whisper,
"I loved you, I gave myself to you,
You had it all in your hands,
You threw me away, you took my life,
I'm alone in death as I stood in life,
Find my flaws, again, find the holes in my soul,
Filled them up just to rip them anew and refuse."

So, I take one last breath as the day dies away,
I kiss my fingers to my forehead in my grief,
In my disgrace in my sullen face in my black eyes,
In my stoic refusal to believe in the passing of night,
That moon will loom over me for the rest of my life.

"Four years to the day since you and I last played,
The game of boys and girls in flowers and fields,
The meadow of your insanity took my innocent naivety,
'Trust no one, least of all a woman's glittering eyes,'
The lesson learnt too late left the last scar,

"Black angel of mine, bled your holy tears tonight,
Sleep well, sweet thang, on your bed of worms,
I'm sorry I wasn't there to tuck you in,
I'm sorry you aren't here to see the moon drain clear,

"You made your choice, you found your peace,
Mine is my own, my life to live, my heart to give,
My tears to leak, my dreams to seek,
Where I don't know, how I don't see,
But I do not care, it all comes in time,
All to all to all."

My last words, my final eulogy, the epilogue of sorrow,
The last year of remembrance for your ignorance,
I lift my glass to the sky, to that vengeful moon,
To the crying stars, to the dying wolf calls,
In your honour, in my steadfast hour,
I see your face bloodied and ruined, again,
Without the remorse of yesterday.

Happy New Year's Eve, to me to you to he to she,
To all to all to all,
All to all to all.