My Matutinal Nightcap

In a sudden wave of conformity (i r s0 indi3, n00b), I will post a spam email that I found especially amusing. It’s a distinctive phenomenon: funny spam, because it’s both esoteric and easily relatable, since everybody gets spam by its own nature.

From: "Daisy Howard" gcbxaqkl@gwdg.de
Date: 2005/04/24 Sun AM 03:58:49 EDT
To: cjaykill@cox.net
Subject: Make your peace

Before its too late make peace with GOD,
and make sure the ones you love do also.

Its the greatest pleasure you can ever have and it lasts foever.



Accept him.

Repent.

Get baptized.

See you in heaven.






In confocal we can marine as always aplomb bring theirfore
magna is medicine and disposable.

      I think the last part is quite possibly the best string of words placed together in mock formation of a sentence ever constructed. “Yea, in confocal, we can marine as always—aplomb!—bring, therefore, magna is medicine and disposable. Amen.”
      The more banal observations to be made, of course, go along the lines of, “For what is this even an advertisement,” “Why is this spam threatening me,” and “Why is it completely unsurprising to find the mention of baptism in this, hinting at a Baptist origin.” I know the Baptists are, for one thing, fucking insane, and, for another, prone to use that on-the-spot, insta-conversion prayer, but is there now a formulaic conversion email? “And, yea, unto his followers God did say that thou shalt spread forth like a good plague amongst the sinners My Holy Word via the Net.”
      Heh, eConversion: Everywhere God Wants You To Be. Sell your soul on eChurch. Egads, it’s eGod. Today, the new ePope was made an oper in channel #Catholics4evr. *** ePopeJ0hnP4u1 has kicked 666s4t4npwnz0r(devil@666-66-66-6.cable.home.eHell.net) from #GodsHouse. Welcome to eHeaven, would you like a free 10-day trial of AOL Broadband?

I’m stopping before it's too late . . . Oops.

O.Y.E.