She Called Herself a Gamine (I Called Her a Whore)

[Editor's Note: I had a bunch of entries sitting in my Drafts folder, and I've decided to clean it out. For better or for worse, with a few incomplete ones, I will randomly put out these lingering memories. Here's an ironic one with which to start.]

I live to be productive, in some manner or another . . . And that's it, that's all; end of my story. All I strive for existence is to create that which will outlast me, that which will be there when I am not; for I will die, and when that day comes, I don't want that to be the end of anything . . . Everything I will have done, stood for, accomplished and made, I pray, will remain even after that day — my Art, my soul.
This Summer I take pride in having done this Blog, having gotten it to the point where it is now . . . Basically, consistently proliferative. That's all that matters, that this is smoothly being updated; that's what I wanted, and it's what I did. I'm not stopping, mind you, but this is a beginning for me that I wanted to eke out for a long time . . .
Last summer, it was a sketchbook: my goal was to fill it with sketches. I did that, for the most part, and was very glad to do that . . . I produced some of my best sketches in a long time, that way. Granted, I never finished every single drawing, but I came close. Shit, fifty complete sketches was good enough for me; this book had one hundred pages, and I filled, at least, two-thirds. Good enough for me to feel good about it.
And that's it . . . That's my life; I pick something to do, and I never quit. I never stop. I never cease moving towards that single, solitary goal. Sometimes, it'll wan in the years, but it never disappears from my mind; I have goals in my head that I conceived of when I was twelve. Every once and awhile, I still toil for the sake of those goals, too.
I never disclose my goals, either. Granted, "full disclosure" is as foreign a concept to me as not listening to music, or not having some sort of culture, but I do say some things . . . Here and there, every once and awhile. I think. I kind of feel like if I told people what I wanted to do, they'd try and help me do it, then it's not my doing anymore, and it's all ruined. So, unless my goal is explicitly involved with other people, I keep it to myself and go it alone. It's what I do, what can I say?
It doesn't matter a lick to me that nobody may read this Blog. It's not my goal to produce something . . . Popular. All it entailed was to create something that constantly went up with new stuff. That's it. I'm not here to please anyone . . . Which is a concept that extends much, much farther into my life than just this Blog, really. So, what am I saying, here? "Yay, me!" to an extent, I guess . . . Whenever one accomplishs something, it never hurts to self-congratulate. Who else is going to say "yay!" anyway?
Perhaps, one day, people will matter to me . . . Perhaps.

That is All; Thank You.