Fat and Stupid, or You'll Hear Me Out, Nolens Volens, In My Idiotic Baseball Cap and Jumpsuit
I don't like Bush. That, I think, is understood well enough at this point. I will, however, enlighten you, the readers, as to my opinion of Michael Moore.
Fuck Michael Moore.
That's right, I am an assumed liberal (which is to say that people assume I am a liberal without me ever saying I am) who thinks Michael Moore is a fucking hack.
But, I do relate to Michael Moore . . . Insofar as his visible shaving dilemma. As you can plainly see in the many depictions of him that are floating around the media, he is as displeased by shaving as I am. Sometimes, he sports a ratty beard, and other times he is wearing a ratty moustache, and yet other occasions he is trying to pull the ratty stubble look. In the end, his fat fucking face is usually covered with facial hair and I am sure he just doesn't enjoy shaving, much like me.
Of course, my days of being indecisive about my facial hair are over, and I have been in full support of the chin-strap beard for a few months now, frequently refreshing it and grooming it. I hope, one day, that you, too, Michael Moore, can make a facial hair-related decision, as well, and join me in the ranks of Americans who know what looks good on his face.
Do I think it is coincidental that his facial hair tends to resemble the look of a rat, either?
Michael Moore is a bloated God damn rat, and I am not surprised he looks like one.
Let me explore his latest masterpiece, just based on my passing knowledge of its content and the skimpy trailers and scattered excerpts I have seen. The very first thing I took note of was the title: Fahrenheit 9-11. Huh, it is not hard to see the play on words here, of course, with the combination of the title of the classic Bradbury novel, Fahrenheit 451, and the infamous date in history, September 11th, 2001. Now, this sticks out to me as notable because I just recently finished reading Bradbury's work, in the last month, for the first time — excellent book, by the way, 0% Failure Rating.
So, he made a . . . Movie . . . With a title that refers to a book that is the tale of a fictional, futuristic distopia where the fire department is dedicated to burning and destroying all traces of literature and written media. It's a book about how the populace of the world is mesmerized and desensitized by television and the cinema, their brains veritably sucked from their skulls by the lure of emotionally charged screenplay that has little to nothing to do with reality or is even coherent. Michael Moore — Michael Moore — made a movie with a title that refers to this book. A book that is about how movies destroy intellectualism. A book about movies that distort the truth in order to create emotions that are unfounded but pleasing, plus fleeting by nature.
There really aren't enough italics in the world to fully underline the irony here, people.
I haven't seen Fahrenheit 9-11, and I don't plan on it because I saw Bowling for Columbine, which was the most annoying "movie" I had seen in years. For one thing, Michael Moore doesn't make movies, he makes documentaries . . . Worse yet, they're political documentaries. The political documentary is the lowest of all the low forms of cinema in existence. Hey, you know who made a lot of political documentaries? Hitler did, that's who! Michael Moore is Hitler.
Seriously, the innate problem with the political documentary film is that it will be biased and it will be partisan, and it will be bullshit. Political documentaries are made for the sole purpose of swaying an audience toward a certain opinion, and they do it by contorting facts and scenes into a picture of a horrid world where what the film-maker thinks is utterly, irrefutably true. I can't respect this medium, honestly; when someone puts that much energy into conveying their political opinion, it's never going to come out on the straight and narrow. The same goes for political books, I should mention while I'm on the subject. Politics should be committed to art in pamphlets, papers, paintings, poems, and other such short, sudden impacts of expression. Leave the long books and dry movies to the philosophies and ideologies underlying politics and government in general, is what I think.
Michael Moore strings together these long flashes of scenes and images, sounds and music, to make his viewpoint ring truer than true and to make the opposing viewpoint seem like the scummiest treason to reason that ever was. I hate Bush, too. I really do. But, I don't think the answer is to make movies that are, in fact, thinly disguised political documentaries to rouse the fickle rabble like you're Marc Antony at the ex-emperor's funeral. Creating propaganda to denounce propaganda is never the answer.
To wrap up everything that I have said concisely, I will formulate a single sentence that contains every point I made:
Michael Moore, you fat, ratty bastard with your stupid, ratty facial hair, stop making political documentaries that you push as movies in order to sway the American public into believing your side of the political spectrum through emotional engineering and the same psychological tricks Hitler used during the Third Reich, because it fools honest, movie-going Americans into seeing your tripe under the false impression that it will be intelligent or maybe even entertaining — none of your movies are either — and go back to the sensationalist, lobbyist hole out of which you crawled.
YOU'RE FAT. And I can say that because I'm fat, just like how homosexuals can use the word "faggot" because they're gay, and black people can say "nigger" to each other.
So there; I pray everyone is properly pissed off now.
Adios.
Fuck Michael Moore.
That's right, I am an assumed liberal (which is to say that people assume I am a liberal without me ever saying I am) who thinks Michael Moore is a fucking hack.
But, I do relate to Michael Moore . . . Insofar as his visible shaving dilemma. As you can plainly see in the many depictions of him that are floating around the media, he is as displeased by shaving as I am. Sometimes, he sports a ratty beard, and other times he is wearing a ratty moustache, and yet other occasions he is trying to pull the ratty stubble look. In the end, his fat fucking face is usually covered with facial hair and I am sure he just doesn't enjoy shaving, much like me.
Of course, my days of being indecisive about my facial hair are over, and I have been in full support of the chin-strap beard for a few months now, frequently refreshing it and grooming it. I hope, one day, that you, too, Michael Moore, can make a facial hair-related decision, as well, and join me in the ranks of Americans who know what looks good on his face.
Do I think it is coincidental that his facial hair tends to resemble the look of a rat, either?
Michael Moore is a bloated God damn rat, and I am not surprised he looks like one.
Let me explore his latest masterpiece, just based on my passing knowledge of its content and the skimpy trailers and scattered excerpts I have seen. The very first thing I took note of was the title: Fahrenheit 9-11. Huh, it is not hard to see the play on words here, of course, with the combination of the title of the classic Bradbury novel, Fahrenheit 451, and the infamous date in history, September 11th, 2001. Now, this sticks out to me as notable because I just recently finished reading Bradbury's work, in the last month, for the first time — excellent book, by the way, 0% Failure Rating.
So, he made a . . . Movie . . . With a title that refers to a book that is the tale of a fictional, futuristic distopia where the fire department is dedicated to burning and destroying all traces of literature and written media. It's a book about how the populace of the world is mesmerized and desensitized by television and the cinema, their brains veritably sucked from their skulls by the lure of emotionally charged screenplay that has little to nothing to do with reality or is even coherent. Michael Moore — Michael Moore — made a movie with a title that refers to this book. A book that is about how movies destroy intellectualism. A book about movies that distort the truth in order to create emotions that are unfounded but pleasing, plus fleeting by nature.
There really aren't enough italics in the world to fully underline the irony here, people.
I haven't seen Fahrenheit 9-11, and I don't plan on it because I saw Bowling for Columbine, which was the most annoying "movie" I had seen in years. For one thing, Michael Moore doesn't make movies, he makes documentaries . . . Worse yet, they're political documentaries. The political documentary is the lowest of all the low forms of cinema in existence. Hey, you know who made a lot of political documentaries? Hitler did, that's who! Michael Moore is Hitler.
Seriously, the innate problem with the political documentary film is that it will be biased and it will be partisan, and it will be bullshit. Political documentaries are made for the sole purpose of swaying an audience toward a certain opinion, and they do it by contorting facts and scenes into a picture of a horrid world where what the film-maker thinks is utterly, irrefutably true. I can't respect this medium, honestly; when someone puts that much energy into conveying their political opinion, it's never going to come out on the straight and narrow. The same goes for political books, I should mention while I'm on the subject. Politics should be committed to art in pamphlets, papers, paintings, poems, and other such short, sudden impacts of expression. Leave the long books and dry movies to the philosophies and ideologies underlying politics and government in general, is what I think.
Michael Moore strings together these long flashes of scenes and images, sounds and music, to make his viewpoint ring truer than true and to make the opposing viewpoint seem like the scummiest treason to reason that ever was. I hate Bush, too. I really do. But, I don't think the answer is to make movies that are, in fact, thinly disguised political documentaries to rouse the fickle rabble like you're Marc Antony at the ex-emperor's funeral. Creating propaganda to denounce propaganda is never the answer.
To wrap up everything that I have said concisely, I will formulate a single sentence that contains every point I made:
Michael Moore, you fat, ratty bastard with your stupid, ratty facial hair, stop making political documentaries that you push as movies in order to sway the American public into believing your side of the political spectrum through emotional engineering and the same psychological tricks Hitler used during the Third Reich, because it fools honest, movie-going Americans into seeing your tripe under the false impression that it will be intelligent or maybe even entertaining — none of your movies are either — and go back to the sensationalist, lobbyist hole out of which you crawled.
YOU'RE FAT. And I can say that because I'm fat, just like how homosexuals can use the word "faggot" because they're gay, and black people can say "nigger" to each other.
So there; I pray everyone is properly pissed off now.
Adios.
posted by c.Jay Wrong at
2:01 AM
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