Proto-Poetry: Six Raw Deals

It's rather sad that it took me four days to realise I hadn't published this entry. Anyway, I used to use AIM as a sort of writing tool: when I threw up an Away Message, I'd write a short poem in it. It was good practice for shorter, swifter pieces, and it was generally an exercise in techniques and practices I favoured the most, as it all came off the cuff. it resulted it some pretty damn bad poetry, but it wasn't meant to be anything profoundly impressive, and there were a few gems that I have slash intend to develop into more sophisticated works. Here I present a small sampling from the 251 poem series, Away.

Away #41: Identity

I woke up this morning,
brushed my teeth and tied my hair back,
I reached for my wallet and couldn't find my identity,
even though there are three cards inside that tell me who I am.

I blinked away the sleep of the previous night,
I washed my face and squinted at the image in the mirror,
blue eyes and brown hair both belonging to a stranger to my eyes,
"What's my name, what does it mean, and why do I feel so empty?"

I threw my coat on and picked up one of my hats,
I slipped the deck of cards and keys into my pockets,
on my way out the door I fed the cat some tuna,
for the first time that sure sounded good.

I'm lost, I'm lost, I'm lost,
in the coiling grasp of the vicious snake that has me by the fangs,
I feel the venom pulsating in my blood and all I can say is,
all I can say is, all I can say is... "Okay."

Away #74: Chance

For every hidden door,
There is a key,
For every probable fuckup,
There is me.

Less and less,
I try each day,
To please everyone around,
I'm quiet still,
I hear no sound.

If I left,
Would you cry,
Or would you notice,
Or blink an eye?

Your smile seems plastic,
Your mood so elastic,
I want to know,
What you know,
But I don't know,
Where to go...

For every probable outcome,
There is the worst possibility,
I will find it each time the option arises,
Without a single fucking doubt.

Away #117: Dear

I'm not sayin' much these days,
Hearin' less from your end of town,
I'm not playin' many of the old school games,
Less and less I'm seein' familiar names,
Growin' older, growin' wiser,
Growin' up in ways nobody seems to notice,
Changin' with the times, changin' up my old rhymes,
You're stayin' static, seemin' frantic,
All my relics of those days are in the attic,
While you're still playin' with 'em every night,
Is there somethin' I can do, is there somethin' I can say,
I don't know what to say, I don't know what to do,
Watchin' your life waste away, watchin' your eyes fade to gray,
Not my problem, not my business,
But it's pathetic, sad, the way you remain listless,
Not hearin' your name in my part of town,
Not seein' your face in the bottom of my mug,
Not carin' much anymore, my old love.

Away #179: Raindrop

I took a minute to think the other day,
It came to me in the form of a drop of rain,
It told me everything I had been wondering for years,
It ran down my cheek and into my mouth,
Played around on my tongue,
The taste, I'll never forget,
It tasted like a piece of heaven,
Honey-sweet and smooth.

Damn, it sure did burn like Hell on the way down.

Now I'm free,
From all my wants,
Now I see,
What you meant,
Now I know,
What I need.

I took a step away from that rut today,
It clung to my ankles like chains,
I shook them off and ran so far,
When I stopped, I looked up,
And all I saw was a rich shade of yellow,
Engulfing the world in one ball of flame,
I saw it all burnt down,
Out like a match,
Violent and destructive,
To the very last.

Now I'm free.

Away #227: Sweet

broke down so i slunk down to the bottom of the barrel
prying up the bottom to find the underside
feeling like no man feeling no woman
feeling that tear roll down my cheek
lost last shred of dignity there in light so bright
blind and naked stood and judged
found guilty being silly
nobody built to be with you my son nobody created to find your heart
nor hold your hand so said the prophet to the fly
down at the docks watching the boats launch
while flags billow red white blue in the dusk
all black in the dark all grain in the sack
slung over shoulder orange face under straw hat
turned skyward listen to the crows
announcing how another soul goes free today
tonight she took me by the collar
she looked me in the eye and she spat
hon you ain't no man not by what i have in my hands
words so sweet fall so short when you don't believe
don't believe

Away #251: Philosophy

I wrote a letter today, self-addressed,
Stamped it and burnt it to ash,
I told myself I'd never know anything,
That reality was a lie, all was falsified.

Let's wax philosophy, tune up uncertainty,
Nothing makes sense, nor to you nor me,
I love it when you say, "It's all relative,"
In that sexy voice of yours.

Perception is the world,
The world is a projection,
Of the individual mind,
So fuck factuality --
I just made that word up, too,
Then looked it up and saw it was real.

Floating on an ocean, I set sail today,
Took a crash course in marine biology,
Paddled out to the middle of nowhere,
And sprang a leak.

So let's wax philosophy, just you and me,
Between the sheets, it's so discrete,
Your lucid dreaming repaints my face,
And you'll be a walrus.

[Adios]