Hiatus

This Blog is on hiatus until further notice…

Adios

Complete and Utter Failure: The Riparian…? (Ain't Got Not'in')

You may be asking yourself, "Hey, self, where the fuck are the entries for this Tuesday and Thursday?" Well, to answer your rather belligerent thoughts—so rude—uh… honestly, wish I had 'em for ya, guys. Not so much runnin' on empty as I'm runnin' in circles and unable to sort out one idea from the last and next, and haven't been able to sit down and decide on something to write. I do promise that means I have lots of ideas, I just have little organisation both externally and internally; additionally, I'm trying to focus a bit on improving certain aspects of my life I've neglected for æons, nigh on… two decades?

Still throwing junk up on my LiveJournal, so if you need a fill of my writing, go there for minor amounts of a substantial substitute. I could subject you, dear readers and friends, to another week of my old works—an option I definitely considered—but, I decided that was enough of that for now.

Fortunately, this is neither popular nor my means of living, so-o-o-o-o… yeah, what can I say more than "Sorry, see ya next week."

Proto-Poetry: Six Raw Deals

It's rather sad that it took me four days to realise I hadn't published this entry. Anyway, I used to use AIM as a sort of writing tool: when I threw up an Away Message, I'd write a short poem in it. It was good practice for shorter, swifter pieces, and it was generally an exercise in techniques and practices I favoured the most, as it all came off the cuff. it resulted it some pretty damn bad poetry, but it wasn't meant to be anything profoundly impressive, and there were a few gems that I have slash intend to develop into more sophisticated works. Here I present a small sampling from the 251 poem series, Away.

Away #41: Identity

I woke up this morning,
brushed my teeth and tied my hair back,
I reached for my wallet and couldn't find my identity,
even though there are three cards inside that tell me who I am.

I blinked away the sleep of the previous night,
I washed my face and squinted at the image in the mirror,
blue eyes and brown hair both belonging to a stranger to my eyes,
"What's my name, what does it mean, and why do I feel so empty?"

I threw my coat on and picked up one of my hats,
I slipped the deck of cards and keys into my pockets,
on my way out the door I fed the cat some tuna,
for the first time that sure sounded good.

I'm lost, I'm lost, I'm lost,
in the coiling grasp of the vicious snake that has me by the fangs,
I feel the venom pulsating in my blood and all I can say is,
all I can say is, all I can say is... "Okay."

Away #74: Chance

For every hidden door,
There is a key,
For every probable fuckup,
There is me.

Less and less,
I try each day,
To please everyone around,
I'm quiet still,
I hear no sound.

If I left,
Would you cry,
Or would you notice,
Or blink an eye?

Your smile seems plastic,
Your mood so elastic,
I want to know,
What you know,
But I don't know,
Where to go...

For every probable outcome,
There is the worst possibility,
I will find it each time the option arises,
Without a single fucking doubt.

Away #117: Dear

I'm not sayin' much these days,
Hearin' less from your end of town,
I'm not playin' many of the old school games,
Less and less I'm seein' familiar names,
Growin' older, growin' wiser,
Growin' up in ways nobody seems to notice,
Changin' with the times, changin' up my old rhymes,
You're stayin' static, seemin' frantic,
All my relics of those days are in the attic,
While you're still playin' with 'em every night,
Is there somethin' I can do, is there somethin' I can say,
I don't know what to say, I don't know what to do,
Watchin' your life waste away, watchin' your eyes fade to gray,
Not my problem, not my business,
But it's pathetic, sad, the way you remain listless,
Not hearin' your name in my part of town,
Not seein' your face in the bottom of my mug,
Not carin' much anymore, my old love.

Away #179: Raindrop

I took a minute to think the other day,
It came to me in the form of a drop of rain,
It told me everything I had been wondering for years,
It ran down my cheek and into my mouth,
Played around on my tongue,
The taste, I'll never forget,
It tasted like a piece of heaven,
Honey-sweet and smooth.

Damn, it sure did burn like Hell on the way down.

Now I'm free,
From all my wants,
Now I see,
What you meant,
Now I know,
What I need.

I took a step away from that rut today,
It clung to my ankles like chains,
I shook them off and ran so far,
When I stopped, I looked up,
And all I saw was a rich shade of yellow,
Engulfing the world in one ball of flame,
I saw it all burnt down,
Out like a match,
Violent and destructive,
To the very last.

Now I'm free.

Away #227: Sweet

broke down so i slunk down to the bottom of the barrel
prying up the bottom to find the underside
feeling like no man feeling no woman
feeling that tear roll down my cheek
lost last shred of dignity there in light so bright
blind and naked stood and judged
found guilty being silly
nobody built to be with you my son nobody created to find your heart
nor hold your hand so said the prophet to the fly
down at the docks watching the boats launch
while flags billow red white blue in the dusk
all black in the dark all grain in the sack
slung over shoulder orange face under straw hat
turned skyward listen to the crows
announcing how another soul goes free today
tonight she took me by the collar
she looked me in the eye and she spat
hon you ain't no man not by what i have in my hands
words so sweet fall so short when you don't believe
don't believe

Away #251: Philosophy

I wrote a letter today, self-addressed,
Stamped it and burnt it to ash,
I told myself I'd never know anything,
That reality was a lie, all was falsified.

Let's wax philosophy, tune up uncertainty,
Nothing makes sense, nor to you nor me,
I love it when you say, "It's all relative,"
In that sexy voice of yours.

Perception is the world,
The world is a projection,
Of the individual mind,
So fuck factuality --
I just made that word up, too,
Then looked it up and saw it was real.

Floating on an ocean, I set sail today,
Took a crash course in marine biology,
Paddled out to the middle of nowhere,
And sprang a leak.

So let's wax philosophy, just you and me,
Between the sheets, it's so discrete,
Your lucid dreaming repaints my face,
And you'll be a walrus.

[Adios]

A Hole

     there is a hole
    wherein all pleas fall
   a place to throw
  these away

   all words spoken
    unspoken loneliness
     lonely silence

      there is a hole
     wherein they live
    dug from anxieties
   and_nervous habit

    a_broken mind
     telling_itself it's_alright
      it's alright

       there is_a hole
      wherein_they bury
     all hopeful promises
    and promising circumstance

   you reach out to find
   the ruler is most definitely unkind

    a crooked smile
     telling itself_it's just fine
      it's just fine

       never enough ways to say
       your_heart aches for more

      a blind eye
     telling_itself it's not_gone
    it's_gone

     there is a hole
      wherein love hides
       the painful distance
        between faith and form

       echoing memories_of happy times
      rippling reminisces_on worn-out_lines
     lost paths in red sands

      no home for_your rest
      walk on and on in that far-away forest

     How well shadows hide until out goes the light.

      thirstier_and_thirstier you_know
       the dryness will do nothing_but grow

      Improvement seems to be a fleeting lie told by reality.

       a light to lead you to escape
        for_what chances do you take

         fading voices_in the dark horizon
        the night_draws dimmer
       as the moon betrays it

        there is_a hole
         wherein_hope climbs
          a thousand miles
           of emptiness…

“You kept me close, for I was all you had,
Your one and only begotten son;
Put me up on the cross in your name,
My identity so blurred with yours.

“To chain me down, you lied and lied,
You told me not to trust anyone else;
How could I cry for help if I had no words,
No way to flee within this heartfelt maze.

“You taught me everything I know,
Of love, the innermost workings of myself;
So it's no wonder I no longer can believe,
With the world so poisoned from inside.”

…there is a hole.

Eh Pea Bee

Eh Pea Bee: all words have escaped —Copy?	Ten Four: on the watch for nouns and adjectives on the run —Copy?
Over: on the lamb grammar and poetics armed and dangerous —Copy?	Repeat: all words have escaped —Copy?
Dispatch: suspect matching description of ten point font with bold typeface spotted at Softcover & Spine —Copy?	Car Fifty Four: where are you? watch out for adverbs known to suddenly modify situations —Copy?
Dispatch: suspect is on print not obeying meter or rime possible free verse —Copy?	Repeat: all words have escaped —Copy?
Ten Twenty: Dime Novel & Fifth Avenue in hot pursuit drunk form-class words —Copy?	Ten Eleven: eee eee sea problem can't understand too much dialect try a the hemming way —Copy?
Ten Twenty Six: suspect is apprehended clause subordinated successfully subject agrees with verb bringin' 'em in —Copy?	Repeat: all words have escaped —Copy?
Over and Out!